This afternoon as I was watching Ministers Howlin and Noonan get their retaliation in before the Troika I asked the Twitter hive mind had they any questions they would like to put to our economic masters.
The hashtag #questionsforthetroika trended very quickly with suggestions veering from the furious to the farcical.
Needless to say (it being Twitter and me being a proper grown up serious journalist) I didn’t ask any of the questions. You can hear the Drivetime podcast of what I did ask here, and there’s some very interesting stuff in there about how we could wriggle out of paying out on the Anglo promissory notes.
But the real reason your reading this now is to see did your tweet make it in to the roll of honour. Not surprisingly top tweet (most frequently re-tweeted) went to Abie Philbin Bowman. Of course it did.
@AbiePB: If you owe the bank €10,000 you have a problem. If you owe them €10 million THEY have a problem. What do we owe you?

My personal favourite is …..
@Emurphalot: Whose field is it?

Or perhaps …..
@rhotacistic: If it was tastefully done and integral to the plot, would you consider going nude?

Anyway, in no particular order, and by no means comprehensively here’s the most of the rest of twitter’s #questionsforthetroika that neither I nor any of my colleagues had the moral fibre to put the men from the IMF/ECB/EU.

susankilkenny Would they like me to catch them up on the Fair City storylines?

 sinead_ryan If you close the door of the minibar fridge in the Merrion hotel, does the light go out?

 anniewestdotcom Does my bum look big in this

 sinead_ryan You think you have it tough? Ever heard of Peig Sayers

 DonalConaty Do you want your ould lobby washed down?

 kevin_hiney If I eat at a Michelin Star restaurant tonight, can you foot the bill?

 mcwulty if I ride yez, will the debt be cancelled? I’m that good

 MrsDeise Who is the bees knees?

 MISSALONSO ‘STOP, It’s hammer time’… Whats hammer time?

 shanesphoto  Is this like a savings club? When can we make a withdrawal?

 markcurrancavan Did ET actually phone home?

 MrsDeise Was there a session after Bin Ladens funeral?

 LightspeedChamp Can I’ve a loan of a tenner?

 frost_ie Have you met out negotiators? They’re called Jedward 

 frost_ie Solve: -2^(2ax+5)+2^(bx+3)+4(3c-7)-5^4x+3)=0

 donnchup Did ye refer to Ministers Noonan & Howlin as ‘Baldy’ and ‘Shortarse’ back at the hotel?

 thatsuitbloke When do i get my country back?

 CiddyTours Given that u are not actually from russia… is it ok if we refer to you as “The 3 Amigos” from now on?

 Fly_Boy_Sean Will there be a tax on not going to mass?

 Trevor_Fisher Can we put a tax on the D4 brigade for everytime they say ‘like’? That would have us paid up ‘like’ in a week ‘like’?

 LauraJayneD Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?

 Trevor_Fisher Have you seen my pet leprechaun?

 frost_ie If we voted no to Lisbon a second time, how much worse would this be?

 LauraJayneD Are we in a relationship? Your status is a little vague.

 OConnorVincent Is it OK if I go for a pint tonight. I know I still owe you a few bob, but I haven’t had a pint in two weeks.Please

 BrianMLloyd Is it wrong to dislike Indian food?

 LauraJayneD Would you like my soul?

 Donal_OKeeffe “So when are ye going on ‘Tonight with Vincent Browne’?” 

 LauraJayneD Can we bring back penny sweets? They’re two cents now, like.

 johnmortell what was the #Prisoner actually about?

 Solid_Spidey If Bono paid his taxes in Ireland, how much would we owe?

 conorthomas Vampire or Wolf?

 @Fly_Boy_Sean: Can I keep my communion money?

 MrsDeise Will ye have a float in the Patricks Day Parade?

 clearer_skies Should I stay or should I go?

 IamBootsy Does Eamon Dunphy finish every sentence with “Baby?” 

 MrsDeise Why does stew always taste better the next day?

 Moorerichardpr Well guard. Would you like a drink or a transfer?

 Ciara_Knight Is it the brown bin this week?

 damoboggler If you are insisting on emptying our pockets from the rear, would Greece help?

 clionalynch Any spare change?

 Ryan_Tubridy Hows about another €100bn in a few months time? Then we’ll owe ye €100bn, you’ll owe us €100bn so we’ll be all square?

 CiddyTours If a bank fails in the forest and there is no around to see it, do the bond holders lose their investment?

 aamurray7 France’s downgrade to AA – Does this mean they can’t sell small batteries anymore?

CiddyTours How much will I get for the silver lining on the clouds it’s not like we have any use for it anymore?

 dionsis How fast exactly do hotcakes sell?

 theotriangle Who puts you under pressure to give us the GOLD-STAR every visit.?

 clionalynch An bhfuil aon tintéan mar do thinteán féin?

 dionsis What is the timezone on the International space station. I mean how do they set their clocks?

 dionsis In the cinema, what arm rest is yours?

 MrsDeise When will the light at the end of the tunnel be turned back on again?

 Jackiem23 Men : please explain.

 unlaoised Peig had “cos amhain san uaigh”. Where was “cos eile”?

 orielgirl1 Is it a good day for drying?

 theotriangle Do you feel lucky.? well do ya punk.?

 GlendaPups Why do I have to open my mouth like a goldfish when putting my mascara on?

 MrsDeise Would be better off if we dropped Irish as a subject and introduced Australian?

 LaveryIan Is it a natural law that them bones them bones need calcium?

 aidan_walsh The B-52s: Before or after “Love Shack”?

 lehaneb Isn’t this hashtag gombeenism of the highest order?

 MurrayChristine Can we keep our last Rolo?

 maximusmarcus Can we get a new derek mooney? ours is broke byeeeeeeeeeeee

 oconnellbrian Who was more to blame – Miley or Fidelma?

 HoulihanBrian Who bails you out?

 bazmcstay Are you Mike Murphy from RTE?

 garethsoye Do you still think that 1990 was 10 years ago?

 alan_maguire Does my sovereign debt look big in this?

 MrsDeise Can the black market trade on the stock exchange? 

 Claredaisy and could you ever truly fry an egg on the stones? If you had an egg?

 Goldstonegym How did yer man stay up on the surf board after 14 pints of stout?

 LandersIE Can I get a number fifteen with a seventy-six on the side please. And a diet coke!

 garethsoye What is the longest Michael O’Leary has ever went without using the words ‘outdated monopoly’?

 Mister_pat How did #Sherlock fake his death ?

 freddielj_ If we take the Eurovision seriously you’ll right off our loans?

 garethsoye When is it my turn to marry Sinead O’Connor?

 TheRealPsycrow Apart from sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation & roads, What has the Eurozone ever done for us?

 bazmcstay I know you’ve taken our sovereignty but do you really need to wear those crowns?

 garethsoye When is Daniel Day-Lewis British and when is he Irish?

 @Claredaisy: Twitter or Facebook?

 garethsoye My son has just done a dirty nappy and the wife is out, what do I do?

@davidbatt: Could the Irish citizens consolidate our debts with the Irish government debt into one manageable monthly repayment?

@frost_ie: Is my income just small or far away?

@LiamPort: Will yiz accept Tesco clubcard points?

@damog7: I put a €1,000 bet on a horse at 20/1 but it lost – when will you get the taxpayers to pay me my €20,000?

@ffergie2fs: Would ye know how to tune in channel 5 to sky

@11890Rosie: Where is Wally?

@djstaffs1: Please sirs can we have some more??”

@soloswimmer: Would you like fries with that?

@ConorFoley32: Could you explain The Singularity, in layman’s terms. That and the near cow, far away cow rule

@LorrCliff: Are you alright Sharon?

@xnashersx The wheels on the bus do what exactly??

@RiversNinety: Where exactly is the love?

@armelleskitchen: Have you been to specsavers?

@maidofmoney: would you face a puckout?

Has @joeyheavey tried to sell ye turf yet?

@waynerogers3p: Any yokes?”

@Elka72: red sauce, brown sauce, no sauce?”

@farrellyjohn: Is money lending a rewarding career choice?

@campbellsuz Why aren’t ye pulling a sleigh?

@Darren_O_Connor: Is the yellow snow edible?

@MrsDeise: Can you grow a hedge fund in your front garden”

@disildoforus: why is the eurosport channel shite?

@TheCarparK: When do we switch to ; In the name of the father , the son and the holy troika?

@djjohngibbons: Presumably you won’t mind being paid in bananas? #BananaRepublic

@fixtronix: Why Does Pluto Live in a dog house, eat dog food etc. but Goofy, who is also a dog, lives in a condo & drives a car?

@DuchessofWelly: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”

@Nell496: Will #Greyhound collect my Green bin on Monday, it’s full to capacity.

@DAmolony: Why didn’t the ECB put their cash in an SSIA account during the good years? We’d be sorted now”

@jamestbowen: what’s going on Ted?

@MelonParty: Will ye fuck off?”

@OK_Kincaid: What’s the point they won’t answer”

@CrackedUpCorson: What happens if we blatantly refuse to keep up with our repayments?

@blogaboutcrisps: Q: King or Tayto?

@Fly_Boy_Sean Will the troika tax hard-ons?

@oconnellbrian: Is Craig Doyle worth anything to you?

@Finbarr353 Any fancies for Cheltenham ?

@Foran__ How do you get to Carnagy Hall?

@RandiGandi Would you risk it for a chocolate biscuit?

@IamBootsy: I’ve no credit. Did you not get my Call Me message?

@Dustydink Did ye get to Funderland at all?

@uathachas: An bhfaca tú mo Sheamaisín?

@sineadkenn Anyone buying or selling a ticket?

@ConorLambert: Which of you is Curly?

@Irishjobsie: An bhfuil céad agam dul amach?

What do people in China call their good plates?

How exactly would Sally O’Brien look at you?

Can you use lube next time please?

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

Is it true that guilty feet have got no rhythm

Would yiz have one of those wee key yokes for my Henry the Hippo?

Is Pat Spillane a wee bit biased?

Do yiz mind sharing?”

There’s three noughts in a Billion. Right?

Is there a secret law that mandates that hotels have to serve bad pints of Guinness?

Have you checked the back of the couch?

Do nice guys always finish last

So how much Anglo debt do your banks hold again?

So tell me, how much is that in old money?

Where would you be going with no light on your bicycle?

Is there something I can help?

if a plane leaves ireland every hour carrying 200 young irish people emigrating, who cares?”

Is this rhetorical?

What is the average number of servants an RTE presenters has?

Will yiz accept Tesco clubcard points?

How high?

Have ye got a penny for the baby?

Can it be made legal to shoot people who sit in the outside lane of a motorway?

Shefflin or Ring ?

Hats. Scarves or headbands.

Is it fair to say our old folks, handicapped children and carers cause much of our financial woe.

Next time, could you send Deepak Chopra?

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Magnets. How do they work?

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

One response to “#questionsforthetroika

  1. Haha typical, I get 3 in the anonymous section. Still no internet recognition for me, I might have to go on Big Brother at this stage.

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